Sunday, November 3, 2013

Help Wanted...Quantitative Analyst

Help Want:  Economist without a calculator

·         Must have the ability to show an economic net benefit where liabilities exist.
·          Must show a capability to create and document a positive economic improvement for states where project passes through with no actual benefits.
·         Abilities to manipulate numbers and explain them in technical manners required.
·         Ability to manipulate PROMOD and other forecasting models to maximize benefits and minimize costs is desirable.
·         Show past abilities to forecast a positive P&L Statement.
·         The ability to show a strong net worth in a multilevel holding company funded by venture capital on an as needed basis is encouraged.
·         Job requires minimal travel to testify before Public Utility Commissions & Conferences
·         Public speaking skills is key and the proper candidate will represent the company at industry trade conferences to show our strong financial outlook.
·         Must be willing to stretch the limits of truthiness while testifying under oath before public utility commissions.

·         Generous Salary based upon ones abilities to manipulate forecasting (paid with venture capital funds)
·         Length of Employment is as long as the venture capitalist continues to write the checks.

·         Former Arthur Anderson Analysts encouraged to apply
·         Former ENRON energy traders encouraged to apply

 .  Preference given to experienced Enron or Solyndra employees
     Past prison terms or probation for fraud or lying to a Law Enforcement Officer is not a personal 
    liability if lesson is learned to avoid improper situations. 

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